The Worst Sales Tactic

I was reading a sales pitch this morning that was basically 50% “you’re too stupid to know that you need to learn this” and I have to say that I really, truly hate that sort of sales tactic.

And it is a sales tactic. To make you feel bad enough about yourself that you give someone money to “fix” yourself.

This same person also likes to use the “you’re too lazy to put in the work” sales tactic. Like, “I have this amazing, wonderful solution to all your problems, but of course, you’d rather be out there flitting around doing nothing instead of learning what I have to teach you…”

For $500. Or $600. Or $3,000.

The sad thing is that sort of tactic works on people. Someone speaks with absolute authority–there is an answer and I am the one who knows it and anyone who thinks differently from me is wrong–makes people feel really bad about themselves and then demands money to make them feel better.

I can’t remember if I’ve told this story before, but when I was twenty I decided that I was going to quit school and become a stockbroker. I had two years of college–at good schools, but still, I didn’t know a stock from a bond–and this place was willing to hire me to be a broker.

I figured I’d work five years, earn enough to pay for the rest of my college with cash, and it would all be good.

This was a place that gave a personality test when you applied. And it turned out that my “weakness” on this personality test was a lack of “killer instinct”.

I don’t know if the recruiter used that word, but basically the test showed that I didn’t have that sort of, “close ’em at any cost” attitude. I assured her I’d be fine, but it was absolutely true when it came down to it.

There I was. Twenty-years-old. I’d passed my Series 7 and my insurance tests, but three months before that I’d known nothing about any of what I was talking about. And I was on the phone with middle-aged business owners who knew their business, but knew nothing about investing.

All they wanted was someone to tell them what to do. All I had to do was be really arrogant and certain and they would have given me their money.

But I just couldn’t do it. (And good thing, because that brokerage firm was not a very good place.)

Later as a securities regulator I interviewed any number of customers who had lost everything to an arrogant broker who assured them he knew better than they did.

It’s so easy to do.

And I think about that a lot. Because I am one of those people who can see that weakness in others. I know exactly how it can be exploited. And it’s tempting to do that to people, because it results in success.

Make them feel less than they are or make them feel special and they will give you what you ask for. But it feels wrong to me to use people’s insecurities and weaknesses against them.

So I try not to do it. (Possibly to an extent that’s a little too extreme in the other direction.)

I also shake my head in disgust when I see someone else doing it to others.

The crazy thing is, this particular person has good information. I just cannot stand the way they make others feel bad about themselves while trying to share it (and sell it).

Anyway. End of today’s rant.

Happy New Year!

If you’re reading this you made it to a new year. And as much as we want to have “accomplished” things and “improved” each year, making it to another year is an achievement in and of itself. You made it through 365 days. Those days may have been good, they have been bad, but either way you kept going and made it here.


Now, I am a person who makes new year’s resolutions. It’s more goal-setting these days so I don’t spend the year staring at my navel. (Or, more likely, reading books.)

With writing I usually have something drafted and ready to release in January so that one of my goals can be to publish that book. That way I can reach the end of the year and know I at least accomplished one of my goals.

(I am not above cheating to give myself a feeling of accomplishment.)

Sometimes, though, I’ve set goals that are about improving myself or my life. You know, I want to lose ten pounds, I want to travel internationally somewhere, I want to find a relationship, etc.

And sometimes you have to set a goal to make something happen, right? There are areas of life where if you leave it to chance, it won’t actually happen. Relationships being one of them for most people. Weight loss being another.

But what I’ve learned with those sorts of goals is that if it isn’t something I personally want and value, making it a goal won’t help.

I once set a dating goal. Something like I’d go on fifty dates in the next year or until I’d found someone to date long-term.

I think I made it through five dates. Because I honestly didn’t care about being in a relationship. It just wasn’t on my priority list. My life was good without one.

I tried to make it a goal because I was getting to that age where people look at you sideways for still being single, but it honestly just did not matter to me. Which is why I abandoned it within a few weeks. I did not want to spend my year on that sort of slog.

Same with weight loss goals. I’ll set them some years, because theoretically it sounds good to weigh 25 pounds less, and I am more photogenic when I’m skinnier.

But at the end of the day I like chocolate and cheese and bacon more than I like being skinny. And reading books and watching TV more than I like spending time at the gym.

It is what it is.

So my advice to you for this year as you set your goals is: Focus on you.

Focus on what you value and what will make you happy. Don’t set a weight loss goal because someone tells you that you need to be different from who you are. Don’t set a dating goal because other people think you need to “get out there”.

And if you know that trying to reach that goal, even if it’s what you really, really want, is going to make you absolutely frickin’ miserable and not be something you can sustain, then don’t do that to yourself. Life is too short to be miserable all the time.

I don’t know you. But I’m going to tell you that you, as you are right now, are perfectly good and wonderful. You don’t need to change a thing.

If you want to, go for it. But don’t force it. Don’t let other people’s issues shape your life. Embrace being you and find the things you really do want and aim for those instead.

You’re Amazing

The world is shit in about a dozen different ways right now, but I just wanted to stop in and remind every single one of you that you’re amazing.

Many of the readers of this blog are writers or other creative types. And for them I say, set aside the sales or the reviews or any of the rest of that, and realize that you create things that no one else can create.

If you’re a writer, you envision something in your mind and you turn that into a complete story with living, breathing characters on the page. You use words to make readers feel something about people who don’t even exist.

You bring to life an entire world. That is amazing.

If you’re a different type of creative, like a photographer, you see something in this world that others don’t and you capture that and you share it with others so that they can see it, too.

That, too, is amazing. It’s something to be proud of and in awe of.

A musician, a painter, an actor. Any of it is amazing. I don’t even care if it’s good, the mere effort of trying to bring something into existence that didn’t exist before is amazing.

But even if you’re not a creative. Even if you read this blog because you want to know about Excel or I don’t know, I used to know you and you’re catching up with where I’m at, I want you to know that you too are amazing.

I stop and think sometimes about my friends who juggle full-time jobs and spouses and families and children. Who keep things going day after day after day. Who persevere and find happy moments and build relationships and community and go to their job, whatever their job is, and do it well day after day. And I am in awe of all they accomplish.

It’s amazing.

We take for granted all that people do every single day. We just assume that because it has to be done it doesn’t take effort or isn’t worth acknowledging.

But it does take effort and it is worth acknowledging.

To be there for the people in your life. To accomplish…anything. To push through the dark or hard moments. To overcome all the challenges and setbacks.

I don’t care if the setback was some minor thing no one else would notice. You overcame it. You pushed on. You kept going.

You’re here, reading this right now, which means you have succeeded in life every single day up to this point.

You are amazing. Take a moment to remember that.

It Doesn’t Make You Safer

Caution up front because I’m going to talk about guns and murder.

Like most of the world I am devastated today by the knowledge that a classroom of ten-year-old kids was gunned down by a lone gunman yesterday in America.

Sadly, not surprised though.

And, as always in America when something like this happens, there’s a certain portion of the population who says that the answer to this is more guns. You know, the everyone should have a gun so they can protect themselves brigade. Arm teachers. Put police officers in every classroom. Give good guys guns.

Which is fucking bullshit. Making a device that can so readily kill so many people more widely available is the exact opposite of a solution to this issue.

Sadly, I have a perfect example to illustrate why that “I need a gun to protect myself” perspective is so wrong.

Here are three posts that someone made on an internet forum I occasionally frequent within the last month talking about how he had guns to protect his family:

This was a man worried about his family’s safety who’d even waited to have guns in his house until his daughters were old enough they wouldn’t accidentally get ahold of them and shoot themselves. But also a man who sincerely believed that he needed to have guns to protect himself from the bad people who might break into his house.

So, what actually happened? Did someone break into his house? Did he save his family?


He killed his family.

He shot both of his daughters and his wife, then he wrote a suicide note, called the cops, and when they arrived he shot himself.

Just another day in America. The murder-suicide made the local news, but that’s about it.

We can debate mental health and warning signs and all the rest of it all we want. But the fact is if he hadn’t had those guns right there in his house, readily available to use, maybe his daughters and wife would be alive today. Maybe he’d be alive today.

I don’t expect this example or any other to change anyone’s mind. Because in America “we need to protect the babies” and “we need to protect our rights to bear arms” are the trigger words that make people immediately ignore anything and everything else about a situation or a politician.

There is no rational thought when those phrases are invoked. You can’t take away my guns, the men say. You can’t let those unborn babies die, the women say.

And then they blindly lead us straight to hell so focused on that one thing that no one was trying to do that they miss everything else they let happen.

[Comments are turned off. I have no interest in hosting a debate on a subject like this one. Just couldn’t hold what I’d seen in my head and needed a place to put it. I didn’t know the guy well but I would’ve never thought he’d do what he did. And then to have the TX school shooting happen mere hours after I saw this…Sigh.]

Framing Matters

Earlier today I received an email from SFWA that stated that they had removed Mercedes Lackey from the Nebula conference because she “used a racial slur” and that they had removed the recording of the panel where that happened to “avoid any additional harm”.

This notification to the entire SFWA membership gave absolutely no context to what happened. It simply labeled a long-time SFF author who was just named a Grand Master a racist. And then it removed all evidence of what was said and in what context so that no independent analysis was possible.

According to the announcement her actions were bad enough that it warranted removing her from the conference where she was being honored for being a Grand Master.

If that’s all I knew about the event, I would think she’d used the n-word or an equivalent term for a different minority group and that she’d done so in a deliberately offensive way, like calling one of her fellow panelists by that term. Or that she’d gone on a Sad Puppyesque rant of epic proportions.

Now, I did not attend the virtual panel, so what I relay next is second-hand from a Twitter thread I saw from a fellow panelist of hers. In that thread they discussed how they debated calling out the term at the time but chose not to because of power dynamics. I also saw someone else mention that they had attended the panel and hadn’t even noticed the use of the term until it was later pointed out on Twitter.


According to the Twitter thread, what happened is that Mercedes Lackey was praising the work of Samuel Delaney in the panel and referred to him as a (and I apologize now for using this word) colored author.

That is what she did.

Now, I’m not arguing that her use of that term was appropriate or that it doesn’t warrant an apology and some education about proper terminology when referring to an author of color.

But I do think that the SFWA announcement deliberately framed things in a way that gave the worst possible spin to what happened and then removed the ability of anyone to see and judge what was said for themselves.

And I do think that whoever made that choice was bringing in past controversies and criticism of Mercedes Lackey when they made that decision and using this situation to finally burn her.

I have no doubt her use of that term caused harm. And I do believe there should have been consequences for doing so.

But as a new member of SFWA I am highly disappointed in the way that this was framed. Because yet again I see the SFF community using a zero-sum, scorched earth approach to problematic behavior where any misstep is treated as equally bad whether there was an active desire to cause harm or not.

I just don’t see how a community doesn’t tear itself apart if that’s the approach. And, personally, it makes it a community I have no desire to participate in which is unfortunate since I just joined SFWA a month or so ago. Ah well.

Random Comments and Thoughts 20220307

First, kudos to Brandon Sanderson for knocking that Kickstarter out of the park. It’s at $25 million raised as of this morning and has plenty of time left to go. As I said in one of my FB groups, Brandon Sanderson sure knows how to self-publish, which is what doing a Kickstarter is, right?

But as I also told another friend who didn’t know who he was because she’s more involved in the romance genre than SFF, this is the culmination of a very successful twenty-year prolific trade-publishing career. The man has delivered on what he delivers consistently for decades and has already run one successful Kickstarter for a fancy hard cover edition in the past. So he’s shown he can deliver both a good story and the product he’s offering.

I do think this highlights something very crucial, though, which is that published authors are not some monolith. What a Brandon Sanderson can do is not what I can do and not what most authors can do. So it’s important to look at what he did there and not think, “Oh, wow, let me go raise my $25 million” or “Gosh, my Kickstarter only raised $1,000, I must suck,” because he’s operating at a level that maybe a hundred authors are at. Maybe.

The other thing I think is important to understand is that Kickstarter has morphed from what some people think it’s supposed to be. I had a friend do a Kickstarter a number of years ago for a project (that they didn’t deliver on) that was meant to fund the development stage of the product. That’s what I think some people still think Kickstarter is.

But I’ve seen it used recently more as a pre-order platform for authors where they want to do a print run of a book and this lets them get an approximate number of books to print. Which is why the “he already reached his goal, why is he still going” takes on Twitter made no sense. Because he wasn’t saying, “give me a million dollars and I’ll write this book.” He was saying, “I’ve written this book, how many of you want this special edition of it?”

Which is also why the hot takes about this upending publishing were a bit suspect, too. Like publishers are really going to require their authors to crowd fund their own advance? No. Worry about something that may happen. Like the publishers Kickstarting your book themselves to see what kind of print run they should expect. That’s more of a possibility, although still unlikely.

What I would expect are tighter contract terms for trade pub. The fact that he could do this in an established universe where he has a trade pub contract in place means there were probably some things about his contracts that are not going to be options in the contracts for newer authors.

You can bet after this that some publishers will try to lock down all “special editions” rights they can if they haven’t already.

(Although, if they’re smart, maybe not. I’m pretty sure I saw somewhere that Sanderson plans to go through trade pub for the regular hard cover and paperback versions of these books. In which case letting him Kickstart the premium version of the book very likely means a lot of sales for those versions of these books for his trade publisher, especially the overseas versions which it seems are going to be expensive enough to ship that some overseas readers were unhappy they wouldn’t be able to get a physical book.)

Anyway. An interesting development to watch. Not something most of us could actually do ourselves, but something that means we can do other, smaller things along similar lines. And a reminder that it’s better to strive for the next rung on the ladder and not be defeated by what someone a hundred rungs ahead of you is doing.

Also, this was not meant to be entirely about that Kickstarter, so just another thought. This morning I removed my easy access to one of the few FB groups I was still stopping by regularly because there’s been someone frequently posting in that group with complaints about anything and everything.

My experience from my days in a work environment is that toxicity can be contagious and spiral until you devolve into a group that just complains and is unhappy all the time. I’ve had good work groups turn sour like that and it sucks every time it happens, so I bailed.

I’d just say if you find yourself going to some place to “vent” because it’s a “safe place to share these things” maybe stop and step back and think about what you’re putting out into the world.

Instead of spreading that negativity to others, try to find something productive to do with that feeling instead.

This is why I left Twitter years ago, because I realized I was just taking negative things people were putting out into the world and passing them on. It didn’t matter if it was true or if I agreed, it wasn’t solving the underlying issue. It was just making everyone more unhappy by reminding them that the world was shit.

Also, that “safe place to vent”? Not really safe. Just because you know a dozen good friends in the group does not mean there aren’t hundreds watching what you say and do that you forgot were there because they stay silent.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts for the day. As soon as I figure out if Teachable will actually pay out my prior sales I’ll have the new Affinity video classes up there. They’re done, just waiting to hit the publish button at this point.

Random Comments and Thoughts 20220213

I just had to pull myself away from playing Quordle which is basically Wordle but you play four games at once with your guesses. I like Wordle. It’s simple, it’s a bit of a challenge, and it’s over in ten minutes or less. And it feels to me like the word list is a bit curated to not be the easy ones but also not be impossible.

Interestingly enough, because I can play it more than once I’ve been playing Quordle more even though I like it less. Yesterday one of the four words was BALER which, not one in my vocabulary. And I had NANNY for one, too.

It seems to love words with Y in them and the fact that it allows words with the same letter three times and pulls a very wide range of possible words makes it more annoying to play. There’s not as much “I won something mildly challenging” satisfaction.

But if someone were trying to monetize a product, I suspect they’d develop Quordle. More time spent per game, more games played per day.

Which, you know, might explain a lot of things we get in society when the focus is on maximizing profit over other measures like enjoyment.

On another note, I’ve found a productivity hack that works for me.

I happen to feed my dog three times a day. She’s a large dog and part of a breed that can be prone to bloat and one way to help reduce that risk is to give smaller meals. For the last however many years she’s been getting her lunch at 10 and her dinner at 4.

At 10 I take time to feed her, feed me, and read. At 4, I feed her, feed me, and then call it a day. As much as I tell myself I’ll go back and work from 5-6, it generally doesn’t happen.

So this year I decided I was moving her meal times to 11 and 5. There was a bit of sad crying the first week, but she’s now settled into the new schedule. And the beauty is, it bought me more than an hour of work time.

As I write this it’s 9:20 in the morning and I’m just getting ramped up on “work”. I’ve checked ads and that sort of thing, but I haven’t done any writing, editing, formatting, etc. yet. And before what would happen is I would wrap up this post around 9:40 and I would think about how I had to stop at 10 to feed her so instead of working I’d putz around until 10.

Now, because I don’t have to stop until 11, I will finish this post and go work on my project and have a good solid hour-plus of work I would’ve normally lost. And I seem to be seeing the same thing with the afternoon, too. It feels like I’m using more of that window of time for work as well.

So just a little change to the timing of my behavior triggers (feed dog dinner-stop working) and I get more work done.

Something to consider if you’re trying to find a little more time in your day. It isn’t exactly what the guy covered in Atomic Habits, but it’s along those lines. He discussed how you can chain activities together to form habits. This little hack is more about just changing the timing of that chain.

What else?

Yay for the D2D and Smashwords merger. I tried Smashwords many moons ago and found their process too difficult and never went back but it’s been on my to-do list for a couple years to try to list direct in their store. So now I can hopefully do that with the click of a button someday soon.

A reminder if you update your A+ Content in the U.S. store and you were using a copy of it in other stores that you need to go through and re-approve it in all of those other stores because it will kick back to draft.

And if you run AMS ads be sure to occasionally expand the ad data period to 30 days or even lifetime to catch any keywords you might have turned off for a limited-time slump but that are actually good keywords for your book. I’m pretty sure Amazon removes fake clicks a few days after the fact, so what can look horrible on Monday will look just fine when you go back a week later and look at that time period.

I’ve never actually sat down and mapped my numbers to verify this, but it seems to me that’s how it works.

Anyway. Off to write with all of my new writing time.

Good Bad Luck

I always used to wonder about my dad whether he had bad luck or actually had really good luck and had just been dealt a bad hand in life.

I can’t remember whether I told this story here before, but when I was in high school we were at a track meet and some idiot threw a discus straight up in the air and it came down and hit my dad. Bad luck, right?

Except, it just scraped down the back of his spine and took a layer of skin with it. Hurt like hell and we had to go to the emergency room, but three inches difference and he would’ve probably been dead.

Same with his first transplant. He found out he was rejecting his kidney the same day he found out my mom was pregnant with me. And then there was the second transplant when he got pneumonia and a Hep-positive kidney and almost died. He spent three months in the ICU and lost part of a long, but he pulled through. His whole life was like that.

So was that bad luck that those things happened? Or good luck that they turned out okay enough in the end?

I like to think it was good luck. And that I got a little of it, too.

As I write this it’s two in the morning and I’m sitting on the bathroom floor in my mom’s house crying as I type.

Because that big fire we had in Colorado earlier today? The one that destroyed hundreds of homes? That’s where I moved to earlier this year.

I was at that Target in Superior just this morning. Miss Priss (my Newfie) and I have walked through so many of those neighborhoods on our morning walks. (I figured since we were in an apartment now I’d let her lead our walks and she took us on hour-plus walks all over that area. I don’t know how she does it at her age, but she does.)

So pretty shit luck, right? Move somewhere and five months later the whole area goes up in flames?

Except, we’re safe. I smelled smoke around noon and decided that even though nothing was really on the news at that point in time that it was best if we packed up and got out.

So I took the pup, myself, my work and personal computers, my passport, some food for her, her many many medicines, and a couple changes of clothes and we headed for my mom’s.

I wish I’d known I was possibly leaving everything I owned behind for good. There was a letter my dad wrote that I received this year (27 years after he died) that I wish I’d brought. And this cute hedgehog drawing my mom did for me. And that box of fancy cheeses I’d just splurged and bought myself. And my frickin’ phone charger.

But those are just things. We got out. And we had somewhere to go. We’ll carry on.

Which is pretty damned lucky, really, if you think about it. So, see? Good bad luck.

(And as of now I don’t actually know if my place burned down. So maybe more good bad luck there if it didn’t. Who knows? Although I have to image the smoke damage alone will be ugly. Still, I’d like that letter my dad wrote, smoke-filled or not.)

Say No To Accusatory Marketing

I just logged into my in box and there was an email in there with the headline, “Why aren’t you watching?” I assume if I were to actually click on the email it would have suggested a specific show that I absolutely must watch right now lest I be considered uncool or out of touch.

But I am very happily binge-watching Cold Case and Without a Trace right now, thank you very much, and do not need someone coming at me with accusations about what I should be watching instead.

A while back I received a snarky little email from someone trying to sell me on paying them to run my AMS ads. It named one of my books and pointed out that the book (which was not the first book in the series and had been out for three years) was just outside of the top 100 listing for its category, and then said something about wouldn’t I like to pay someone who could get me an ACoS under X%? The implication of course being that I was failing miserably at doing so myself.

I don’t remember who sent it because I was like, “wow, yeah, fuck you,” and immediately blocked them.

The problem is, that kind of thing works on a lot of people. There are advertisers out there who will make you feel bad about yourself to get your money.

They will imply you are a failure. They will play to your insecurities. They will make you question yourself or your choices. They will make you feel like you’re not “in” if you aren’t paying for whatever they’re selling.

Don’t let them do that to you. Look for brands that are trying to help, that want to share their joy. That want to lift you up. Buy because someone is offering you a positive experience not because they made you feel like shit.

And if someone does make you feel horrible and less than and you really do feel like you need to buy something to fix it, go to their competitor and buy from them instead. Because the sad fact of this world is that if something works, even if it’s negative and destructive, people will keep doing it. So don’t reward that type of approach. Please.